Saise
by Ms. Mumpsimus
Summary: "He's still there, you know. He's still waiting," she said as she puffed another set of smokes into the thin air. An attempt to continue the manga. Will contain major spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own xxxHolic.

**Warnings:** Unbeta'ed, thus, bad grammar. This fic will contain major spoilers from the original manga and if you haven't finished reading xxxHolic, don't get mad at me. You have been warned.

**Author's Notes:** I just have to try to revive my love for this manga/anime. This is a challenge fic for me. I want to write this for myself mainly because of the abrupt ending of the manga. If, and if, someone is reading this, please leave me a review. Tell me what you think and tell me I am not the only who got heartbroken about the manga's ending. This will be written in ficlets, mainly like drabbles but not really, because this would be much longer than your usual 100-word drabbles.

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**Death and What Comes Next**

**..**

_"Hope is the thing with feathers__  
>That perches in the soul<br>And sings the tune without the words_

_And never stops at all."__  
><em>**Emily Dickinson**

**..**

**..**

**..**

It was pitched dark.

Though he could properly see his lower body floating in front of him.

Ah. Floating.

Yeah.

He was being elevated, by the way.

He didn't know where he was and how come he end up floating in some kind of universe where gravity wasn't even invented yet.

He was floating, really.

Up and up and up.

He rested his head to the visible wind cradling his body and closed his eyes. What was the last thing he did? What was the last word he uttered?

He sighed.

What the hell was happening to him?

He wasn't feeling dizzy or anything but there was some kind of burning sensation on his stomach. On his navel, specifically.

He opened his eyes and stared at his body before him. He saw his usual hakama that he used when he was playing Kyuudo. He next scrutinized his feet that were covered in _tabi_ (divided-toe socks). He wiggled it and he was glad that they weren't numb at all. Next were his hands. He raised them up and he moved them like they were dancing in the air. They were kind of pale and he didn't like the fact that his nails seemed like they're chipping.

_That person would be downright mad at this._ If_ he ever see this. _

He twirled his long fingers like they're gliding in the air.

Then he noticed it.

He blinked his eyes some more, expecting it to disappear together with this new found sub consciousness.

He was dead. That, he knew perfectly.

He was dead and the dead don't come back to life.

He noticed that he was being elevated higher and higher and he could almost see small light in front of him and he realized that he was floating under a vast body of water. He was starting to emerged to the surface and it was getting brighter and brighter and brighter and then –

He opened his eyes.

He laid there – in some kind of concrete floor or something close to that – for a few minutes or maybe much longer than that. Since his so called 'death', he could no longer tell the difference of time or maybe – he almost shrugged his shoulders – his time consciousness was no longer working and he now perceived it as something as vague as his existence – If ever he was existing right now.

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_"Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn."_  
><strong>Mahatma Gandhi<strong>

..

He closed his eyes again not really minding where his body, or mind, if the last one kind of creeping you out, was now going.

He didn't care anymore, you see. Everything was over anyway.

Nothing would interest him anymore.

Not even his still wiggling feet.

So yeah, he continued laying there like a fallen leaf, ready to be blown again in god-knows-where place.

Then it started to rain. It started to rain of Sakura petals, and from nowhere, a huge Sakura tree surfaced, right in front of him.

It was kind of funny.

His eyes, who's supposed to be closed by now, was still seeing.

He saw the rain of Sakura petals and the Sakura tree itself, right?

Or was it all inside his head?

To confirm this, he slowly opened his eyes and he almost hooted a laugh when he saw her. _Almost_, because he doesn't usually laugh. Hell, he _doesn't_ laugh. At all. He hadn't seen himself do those things before.

She was sitting at the top of the Sakura tree – (Wait. I kind of forgot to tell you that, yeah, I was right in seeing while my eyes were close because the Sakura tree and the rain of the petals were there. In front of me. So anyway, I saw _her_.

You know her. We all know her.

She was sitting at a branch of the magnificent tree, a lit cigarette was dangling on it slender fingers. She was looking at him, and it seemed like she also looked clearly amused.

"_Konbanwa_," she greeted as she bow her head. "Nice weather we have today, don't you agree?"

He didn't answer back.

There was no need.

She gave him a curt smile, her long, untied black hair was sweeping up the other petals in branch where she was sitting.

"It's quiet here, isn't it?" She asked again, this time, facing the sky. Her face was blank, and yet she looked happy. "Noise never reaches this place."

She looked down on him again. "Are you trying to go somewhere else?"

He closed his eyes again, "I wouldn't be able to go anywhere even if I wanted to," he said as he feel the warm floor with his hands. He was still lying and he wasn't planning on moving from his position.

She gave him a gentle laugh. "True," she said and he saw her puffed into the air, releasing oval shaped smokes. "And yet here you are, unconsciously trying to get out. Humans are so complicated creatures, don't you agree?"

"You talk as if you're not a human yourself."

"Ah. But there is a difference, don't you know? There is a huge difference."

He opened his eyes and he stared at her. She was still puffing the cigarette; her eyes were no longer focused on him.

"What is the difference?"

She was still looking at him. Then she spoke: "What do you think is the difference?" Her gaze was piercing and it was as if she was trying to swallow him whole.

He didn't answer. Or more like, he couldn't.

They didn't speak after that. They just continued to stare at the dim lit sky, their mind was thinking of different things; of different people.

He didn't mind the silence that engulfed him. He was used hearing nothing but his own imaginary beating heart.

He was used of counting the time that seemed like never moving inside this world.

He was used to silence.

He had to get used to it after all.

Then after a while she broke the silence.

"He was still there, you know. He was still waiting," she said as she puffed another set of smokes into the thin air.

"You're talking nonsense."

"You mean, don't care?"

Silence.

He heard her laughed.

"You don't care about him anymore." She stated it as if it was a fact and somehow, he hated how it sadly resonated into his heart.

He stared at the Sakura tree but not to the woman sitting on the middle of it. His eyes avoided her as much as possible. He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want her to remind him of the things that happened a long time ago.

It wouldn't change anything.

"He's waiting for you," he said, matter-of-factly. He maintained his blank facial expression, never letting a single hint of what he was feeling inside tip out. "He said it himself. He's waiting for _you_."

He could feel the woman staring at him again.

"He's not," she said.

He almost wanted to roll his eyes. But he remained silent. Unmoving.

"He's no longer waiting for me. He accepted it. Finally, after so many years. You didn't know?"

Unmoving.

Silent.

"You're feeling it, aren't you?" She suddenly ask, not minding the silent treatment she was receiving from him.

"What?"

"The burning sensation on your belly."

"What about it?" He asked, and let himself to stare at the woman again. "What do you mean?"

She just smiled.

He was getting more pissed as the moment passed by.

She was still smiling.

"You're going back."

Before he could react to that, suddenly, everything went blurred.

The world before him slowly crumbled as if it someone was washing the newly painted scenery. And as if on cue, the burning sensation on his belly was back, and it was hurting him more than before.

"Say hello to him for me." He heard her say but he could no longer see her silhouette. "Tell him his stash of _sake _is no longer sufficient and that he's still a demon for forcing me to abstain."

His eyes caught the sad smile of her and then there was blinding light.

Then nothing.

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_"But you're different. You're more perfect. Time is three things for most people, but for you, for us, just one. A singularity. One moment. This moment. Like you're the center of the clock, the axis on which the hands turn. Time moves about you but never moves you. It has lost its ability to affect you. What is it they say? That time is theft? But not for you. Close your eyes and you can start all over again. Conjure up that necessary emotion, fresh as roses."_

**Jonathan Nolan**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own xxxHolic.

**Warnings: **Unbeta'ed.

Thanks for those who reviewed! *bows*

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

"_Once a rolling rock starts to roll; it's very hard to stop._

_It will keep __rolling__ until the end of the road.__"_ - xxxHolic

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><p><strong>Destiny and What Comes Before It<strong>

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"_I'm going back... you where you are."_

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><p>Nothing ever stayed the same.<p>

That's what he thought when he watched the Sakura tree blossomed beautifully this year, but very much unlikely than the following year it blossomed. Its blossoming this year was more stunning than ever and its petals were falling from its branches like small drops of rain fluttering for a while in the air before it finally hit the crimson ground below its feet.

Watanuki would never be tired of watching the Sakura tree as it slowly go with time, with people, and with him all these years. It was changing together with everyone and everything.

Like the changing of season, people were also predisposed to amend to their surroundings. Watanuki blew the remaining smokes lingering on his mouth and he stared placidly at the infinite horizon ahead of him. He was changing too, whether he admitted it himself, or not. Or maybe, that was what he always wanted to think – that he was changing, like all the other things in the world, he, too, was impeccably changing.

He gazed inadvertently loitered at the ash at the end of his _Kiseru _and blew. His thumb grazed at his lips that were holding it in the air and he couldn't help but remember her and the times she was still here.

He blew again.

It was as if it was only yesterday –or a day before yesterday.

Or maybe, Time inside this house was just moving as slowly as it could.

He had heard that time was a great tease when it comes to those who were waiting.

_Crash._

His body shifted knowingly when he heard something clunked inside the house. The pale young man sighed as he stood on his bare feet. He gently prodded the remaining light of the Japanese tobacco and put down the pipe on a glass ashtray. The night blue _hakama_ he was wearing danced on his back and he tightened the white obi on his waist a little that was now threatening to fall out from the rest of his _kimono. _

He didn't like wearing it tight after all. He hated the feeling of being restricted... Of not being able to move freely.

On his way, he heard another series of loud crashing on the background that it was now undeniably ringing on his ears.

Watanuki, since he inherited the shop, had decided to be calm about everything. To not let his annoyance get the best of him. To be as understanding as possible. It was, after all, a necessity as the owner of the shop.

He unhurriedly strode to where the noise was coming from and it was, as usual, coming from the kitchen. Watanuki could almost taste the burnt rice in the air and it was making him more pissed and pissed every goddamn seconds. Veins were popping everywhere on his head and his calm reverie a while ago was beginning to fade away in the outmost, dark recesses of his mind. Watanuki steps gradually became heavy and hasty. He angrily stomped in front of the kitchen and opened the door with intense force.

"What the fucking hell are you doing burning my kitchen, you good-for-nothing dolt?"

Ah. So much for being calmed and composed about it.

He slightly panted; his teeth gritting in so much fury for the entire world to see.

A pair of inexpressive eyes bore into Watanuki's and the last thread of the storeowner's patience snapped when he heard that mindless mouth moved and hummed, "Hn".

He dashed to where the atrocity was standing and shook him with so much vigor since the pest found his way to his life _again_.

"Answer properly of you are being asked, you daft and puerile boy!" He flailed.

"Hn."

"Argh!"

This was going to end his life! This –this malignant existence would continue to haunt his days and nights and forced him to one day coiled his hands on that thin, sun-kissed neck!

"You are lively again. You were just sick yesterday, right?" The boy, who taller than Watanuki, deadpanned as he tried to salvage the remaining rice that hadn't burn yet. "You're just like a cockroach."

A nerve near Watanuki's lips twitched as he stared at the broad back that was now _rudely_ talking to him.

"You called me a _cockroach?"_ Watanuki repeated indignantly, his long bangs hiding almost half of his face. A deadly black aura was now surrounding his pale body.

The _rude _back seemed like ignoring the lethal sensation that was being emitted by Watanuki. Instead of coiling in fright, like what the mice around the kitchen were doing now, the back just retorted again, "I didn't know you're also deaf now."

".Me.?"

"Hn."

The aura busted in the air and the malevolent flapping and thrashings began.

"GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN THIS INSTANT, YOU HAIREBRAINED!"

**xXxXxXxXx**

Wanuki almost grinned when he gazed at his masterpiece; _Miso _soup, _Zosui, Tonkatsu, Agedashi tofu, _and_ Curry __udon_ were now beautifully lined up across the table. Watanuki almost patted himself for the job well done as he surveyed his work.

He's the man.

Oh, he's definitely the _man_.

He smirked as he crossed his arms on his chest. This was what you called a work of 'genius'.

It was now the time to call that atrocity.

"Oi! You good-for-nothing jerk! The food is freaking ready!" He rudely called as he folded the sleeve of his shirt on half. Then a sly grin broke into his face. "But before you eat, you have to admit first that I, Watanuki-sama, am far greater than you so you should be so grateful I'm even cooking for your sorry ass!"

Watanuki continued to arrange the plates on the table while checking if the pudding he made was just right on taste. He gave two thumbs up to himself after that.

Wantanuki momentarily stopped. He traced the cooking pans with his thumb and he smiled.

He didn't want to admit it, but he really missed cooking like this... The feeling that he was cooking for someone brought immeasurable swelling of happiness on his chest.

_But I'm _totally_ not happy that I'm now forced to cook for that idiot!_ Watanuki gritted his teeth as he chopped an onion._ I mean, cooking makes me happy but he has nothing to do with that. Period. _

He looked around, expecting the huge brute on the kitchen but alas, there was none. Watanuki waited for another couple of minutes but no overgrown bear appeared.

His eyebrows scrunched in annoyance as he wiped his hands and went outside the kitchen to check the young man.

He heard hushed voices in the library.

What the hell was that guy up to?

_.._

_.._

_.._

_I'll be there for you, because I know you'll be there for me too._

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><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> It sucks. I know. You don't really have to tell me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own xxxholic.

**Author's Notes:** This is for **Equinox Flower** for actually threatening to kill me if I don't continue this. XD It really made me laugh and *cough* shivered a little. Thanks a lot. *smiles*

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><p><em>There is only one possible past for us. But there can be an infinite number of futures.<em>

**Ichihara Yuuko**

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_His eyebrows scrunched in annoyance as he wiped his hands and went outside the kitchen to check the young man. _

_He heard hushed voices in the library. _

_What the hell was that guy up to? _

_.._

_.._

_.._

Watanuki slowly trudge to the second floor of the house and went straight to the library where he heard those hushed voices. He thought the guy was already hungry. He made him cook all those food then he was not going to eat it?

Watanuki gritted his teeth as his pace quickened.

_That damn brat..._

He passed a small ball of furry looking spirit lurking at a corner of the staircase knowing that it meant no harm. Watanuki even smiled a little. Since he inherited the shop, small ayakashi began to flood the house, each of them were begging him to allow them to stay over for a certain amount of time. He refused at first, not really sure if he wanted to see them every day but they insisted and they promised that they wouldn't be a burden to him. After a few weeks of persistence, Watanuki eventually agreed. Some stayed for over a week, some stayed for a month or two. Every time an ayakashi would leave, it would offer a thing they possessed to Watanuki as a _payment_. However, Watanuki liked to think that it was just a 'thank-you gift'. He didn't want to accept it at first, but he knew that something had to be given in return for something that was taken away, reluctant as he was.

It was such a lonely trade, but that was how the world worked.

It had always been like that.

And Watanuki, of all people, knew that.

The spirits temporarily dwelling on his house were pretty harmless. They couldn't find the store if they were the kind of spirit to harbor some kind of evil thoughts and desires. The entire store was covered in a charm that he had to revamp every 50 years to ensure its excellence. This particular magic had always helped Watanuki in protecting himself and the store from malignant entities. It would too much of a trouble if a certain malevolent spirit entered the store, though he was sure that he could protect himself and the house from it, he wasn't sure if he could do the same with all his _tenants_ inside the house.

Eyebrows scrunched, he opened the sliding door to look for the brat. Really, was there no end to his headaches?

"What the hell are you doing here, you brat?" Watanuki heatedly asked as he eyes the back of the young man. He was looking at something but Watanuki couldn't see it properly because, seriously, this kid was just _too_ tall. His back was hindering him to see whatever the hell he was holding.

He flared when he received no reaction.

"Are you ignoring me? After of all the delicious food I cooked just to fill your monstrous appetite, you dare to ignore this Watanuki-sama? You have guts, kid!" Watanuki angrily said he arms flailed. His felt his cheeks getting warm in fury.

He was ready to throw him more insults when the young man suddenly turned.

"Do you know a certain woman named Doumeki Shizuka, Kimihiro?" He asked him. Watanuki visibly flinched and his eyes widened. He didn't even notice that the brat called his first name again. It was something that they were always fighting about.

Something deep inside him trembled and before he knew it, he down to his knees, shivering like he was standing in the middle of a snow storm, unclothed.

And utterly alone.

Watanuki couldn't admit it but he really hated being alone.

The kid immediately caught him before he completely fell over the floor.

"Hey, Kimihiro!"

Still looking stricken, Watanuki spoke. "H-how did you k-know that name?" He clutched the shirt of the kid, his hands trembling. "How did you know that name, Nishimura? How?"

Nishimura stared at the trembling pale man. His eyes met the unmatched colors if Kimihiro's eyes. There was an immeasurable loneliness wrapping those unmatched orbs and he could feel that they were hiding so many things. His heart clenched in a painful way and his head ached with a dull sting. Kimihiro looked like he was going to pass out. He held the man on his arms and steadied his footing to support their added weight. Watanuki was such a lanky man and he didn't weigh that much but still, he didn't want him to be rolling in the floor in case he drop him.

Kimihiro was still looking at him with his terrified expression, waiting for him to answer.

He didn't answer the lithe man's questions though. He felt Kimihiro limping on his arms and before he knew what was happening, the man already fainted, his breaths were still erratic.

Nishimura lifted the Kimihiro on the floor and carried him to his room. He already knew the different rooms inside the store. He was living here for almost three years after all. He opened a particular room and gently laid Watanuki on his bed. The room was, as usual, adorned with different ornaments. The bed, for instance for festooned with silks and the room seemed like always encrusted with incense smokes. Sometimes, Nishimura couldn't help but think that this room was once owned by a woman.

He looked at Kimihiro; his face wasn't showing anything but an expressionless facade. He was glad that the man was breathing in normal again. He reached for the quilt and lightly tucked Watanuki in it.

He took the book he tucked on his jacket and looked at again. He opened it and his thumb grazed on the rough edges of the book. There were words written inside it. Nishimura stared at the moving words; his eyes were never leaving a particular sentence slowly moving to the left side of the book:

_I am coming back_

_**Doumeki Shizuka**_

He wondered who was Doumeki Shizuka?

What was her relationship to Kimihiro?

Nishimura closed the book again and tucked it inside his jacket's pocket. He silently walked towards the bed where he laid Watanuki. He stared at his face for long time and he removed a wild strand of Watanuki's hair veiling his eyes before he decided to come down in the kitchen to eat. Watanuki cooked for him after all and he wasn't the type to waste food.

Nishimura gently closed the door; his hands were tightly clasping the book inside his coat.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> I don't know how long this will be. If the readers like it, then maybe it'll be a lot longer. Probably 12-15 chapters. But if not, I can always end it though the ending might have a loose end. but I'll still try my best. Thanks for the interest. *bows*


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